I Heart Chubby Bearded Guys

If you're chubby, bearded, and a guy, chances are I heart you.

I think I’ve found my new favorite super power. 

It’s been a while since I’ve seen Luke Wilson in anything that doesn’t make me want to revoke his adorable-indie-actor card. But I recently watched several episodes of HBO’s Enlightened  (god bless you, Mike White and Laura Dern) and as Levi Callow he’s brought a quiet charm, a character addled by addiction, detached in isolation and layered by life’s heartbreaks. He’s an older, wiser actor and, lucky for me, now chubby and bearded. 

It’s been a while since I’ve seen Luke Wilson in anything that doesn’t make me want to revoke his adorable-indie-actor card. But I recently watched several episodes of HBO’s Enlightened  (god bless you, Mike White and Laura Dern) and as Levi Callow he’s brought a quiet charm, a character addled by addiction, detached in isolation and layered by life’s heartbreaks. He’s an older, wiser actor and, lucky for me, now chubby and bearded. 

Jon Shook and Vinny Dotolo. Both of these guys are cutie-pies (and know what to do with pork and poisson, alike), but the fella on the right is (more) bearded and doughy and, as a result, I heart him.  

Jon Shook and Vinny Dotolo. Both of these guys are cutie-pies (and know what to do with pork and poisson, alike), but the fella on the right is (more) bearded and doughy and, as a result, I heart him.  

Joaquin Phoenix. Or, as I like to call him, the beard formerly known as Joaquin.

Joaquin Phoenix. Or, as I like to call him, the beard formerly known as Joaquin.

Louis C.K. The “C” is for “charming.” The “K” is for “kakidrosis.”  Respect. xoxo

Louis C.K. The “C” is for “charming.” The “K” is for “kakidrosis.”  Respect. xoxo

Chef! (RIP, Isaac Hayes, August 20, 1942 – August 10, 2008).

Chef! (RIP, Isaac Hayes, August 20, 1942 – August 10, 2008).

Samuel Beam (a.k.a. Iron and Wine). Because there’s never enough sensitive, bearded singer-songwriters in my world. 

Samuel Beam (a.k.a. Iron and Wine). Because there’s never enough sensitive, bearded singer-songwriters in my world. 

Justin Vernon (a.k.a. Bon Iver) is not consistently chubby—he saves that for when he’s depressed and hibernating in rural Wisconsin in the dead of winter, writing sad songs about lost love. …Swoon. 

Justin Vernon (a.k.a. Bon Iver) is not consistently chubby—he saves that for when he’s depressed and hibernating in rural Wisconsin in the dead of winter, writing sad songs about lost love. …Swoon. 

Artist Ashley Goldberg appreciates bearded men, so much so she’s illustrated a print series of round-faced, rosy-cheeked, long-bearded fellows. As seen in this ink drawing, even baby bear gets a beard. Coo.

Artist Ashley Goldberg appreciates bearded men, so much so she’s illustrated a print series of round-faced, rosy-cheeked, long-bearded fellows. As seen in this ink drawing, even baby bear gets a beard. Coo.